Monday, April 27, 2009

Harrison's Wish

This past Sunday we enjoyed a great day at Zoo Atlanta. It was a breezy and beautiful day and I have great pictures to post soon.

While we were there, Harrison, Piper and Ava wanted to put coins in the donation tub that spins the coins around the funnel. As they did this, Harrison made a wish. He wished for....

"another Mommy."

I immediately felt the breath suck out of me and I froze for a second. When I felt like I could speak, I asked him what he meant. He said...

"I need another Mommy to come to be with me when you go to work and then when you come home, that other Mommy can leave and you can come back."

I have ALWAYS had tremendous personal guilt for working. I know everyone has their opinion, but regardless of how successful my career is or has been, I have always wanted to be home with the kids. Unfortunately, financially it is not a wise decision for our family and so I am a working mom. I had a stay at home mom and I know how great that is. I do not know what it feels like to be shuffled around every day, but my kids do and Harrison has always had a tough time with it. If I did not have enough guilt already, I sure do now after hearing my Minnie Man's wish. He was not being mean or hurtful, just matter of fact.

So, I am hitting the lotto tonight which is my current answer to this dilemma.

5 comments:

Heather said...

Oh Ashley! I feel for you. I just signed my contract for a full time position next year. I know with these tough times for some I should be thankful the job is offered but I find myself so so so sad. I had the priviledge of being half time this year. Even this made me feel a little guilty. But next year, I will feel much like you- guilty!

Hang in there- you're still a great mommy and still give your children tons of loving! I can tell and I have never met you. Who sells their mother's day gift to bring home such a jewel as Piper? The mother who knows the greatest gift is NOT material goods!!!

Hang in there! Those 4/5 year olds have a way of tugging at those heart strings!
-Heather

littlemrs said...

You know he probably hears you 'wishing' yourself on on a daily basis that you could be home - so he was probably making the wish on your behalf. I'm sure that wherever he is when you are at work he is having a blast and learning so much and being loved completely. I'm sure he is just feeling your frustration. And of course you know - most stay at home mum's I know - although they love being at home - dream of having at least a part time job so they can get a break from the madness! Hang in there. They'll both be at school before you know it anyway!

blessedmom said...

Ashley,
Moms have a hard time winning. I left my career when Brooke was born and thought I would stay out for six months and then return. That was 13 years ago. I have worked part-time mostly from home for the last 12 years, but have always thought of myself as mostly being a mom. I am very grateful for this time with the kids, and I would not change it for anything! BUT……… I have always been torn about being off the career path. I have watched my former colleagues move on with successful careers. I feel like I have been left behind, and I know that my career will never recover. When you are a mom you are just destined to feel guilty no matter which choice you make.
Janie

Chan said...

This post breaks my heart as I also have mommy guilt. Hang in there! What happened to maybe working part-time?

Sue said...

Awww.. what a heartwrenching wish! I'll hope that you hit the lotto so you can stay at home. But in the meantime, don't be too down on yourself. He will remember all the great times you spent with him - no matter if they occur on the weekends or on your days off. (and if it helps any, my J has asked why I don't go away to work!)