Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I Have Been Double Tagged!

I have been double tagged by my online friends, Sue and Kristen. Sue tagged me about a week ago, but I was so bummed about the referral situation that I didn't want to sound too negative with my 6 words. I was just starting to feel a bit better when I got tagged again. Kristen tagged me today so I guess I better step up to the plate. I am going to sleep on my words and update tomorrow!
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Hopeful. I am hopeful that at the end of my journey my life will have been filled with joy and I will have brought joy to another life. I am hopeful that I will have the opportunity, however brief, to walk my children to the school bus and stand waiting for them when they return. I am hopeful that I will have the opportunity to be with my children through birthdays, graduation, weddings and the birth of my grandchildren. I am hopeful that my children never know the inside of a chemo room and will live in a world where cancer is no longer looming in the shadows. I am hopeful that one day I will have the opportunity to once again look into the eyes of my mom and dad and hear their laughter. I am hopeful that my husband and I can be the "fun" parents and that our kids and their friends like hanging out at our house. What it boils down to, is that I am just hopeful....
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Mom. This word was actually a hard one for me because while I always wanted to be a mom, I never have really thought of it as a word that defines me. Since I was 3, I have always wanted to be an attorney. My plan was to be an attorney and have kids. Stopping, reducing or impacting my career was not something I really thought about. Then, came Harrison. The very night that he was born I told Hubs that I was completely in love and wanted more. At that moment when I looked at that little guys, I didn't care about my career, my professional success, or my financial situation. I knew that I wanted to be a mom and I wanted to be a mom above anything else. Since then, literally everything has paled in comparison. For the first 3 years I was able to rely on my mom to watch Harrison so I could continue to work. My mom was always the fun mom and a person that people loved to be with so when she died we all had a wake-up call. Who would plan the holidays, the vacations, the fun weekend trips? Who would make the house feel cozy, pamper guests and family members, and make sure that all was right in the world? The mom would....it's just that now I was the only mom.
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Work-A-Holic. In a way I am proud that I am a hard worker and in a way it's a curse. I work terrible hours - coming home often after my family is asleep and often working 6-7 days a week. No one tells me to work that much -- I just do it because people depend on me. My clients depend on me to provide them guidance, my partners depend on me to provide the level of service that we all pride ourselves on, my staff depends on me for their jobs, and like it or not, my family depends on me for the financial support that I can provide. I like that I can do this. Do I wish that I could spend more time at home? Yup, but to tell the truth when I get home I am the same way. Often I am up steam cleaning the carpets in the morning before work or trying to organize paperwork late at night. My Hubs constantly has a to-do list which drives him nuts and Harrison is very tired of me talking about his chores. I talked to Hubs about this one and even if I didn't "work" we both think I would be a work-a-holic. I need to try to be better at this because it often is an effort to relax and forget about the mountain of things to be done.
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Stressed. I am stressed every single second of every moment of my life. I hate it and I know that it is terrible on my health and my family. I keep telling myself that when xyz happens, then I will focus on my stress level and health. I think I need to do that now.
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Friend. I hope that people think of me this way. I would be honored if at the end of my time, someone can say that I was there for them and provided that person friendly support. To be honest, I pale in comparison to my friends. I have always been incredibly fortunate that I have had an amazing friend base. These ladies will literally do anything for me at any time. If I can be half the friend to them that they are to me, then I will be happy.
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Honest. I am honest, sometimes brutally honest - or so I have been told. I often feel bad for my clients that I can easily talk about the bleak future that they face due to the realistic way that our legal system works. I think this one can be a mixed blessing and I am doing much better and learning when someone wants the truth and when someone doesn't. Of course you all know how this works - does this look good on me? have I gained weight? Hubs is perfect at always making me feel like I am the prettiest woman in the room, but you can tell sometimes he is lying - he thinks Angelina is ugly - ok, sorry but there is something wrong with that so I assume that he is just lying:)
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Having completed this challenge, I will pass the torch onto a few friends. Some I know well, some I would like to know better from reading their blogs. Ladies, you need to pick 6 words that describe yourself and also tag friends. I think you will find its a bit harder than you thought. Amy, Amy B, Heather, Shay, Torrie and Jenny.

5 comments:

Heather said...

Ashley-
The yahoo news almost bums me out. I've only been checking it on Wednesdays. Needless to say- I am now in the dumps! Why no calls for us??? I could whine more but together we'd make some sad songs! Still waiting with ya and hoping the wait can't be much longer!
-Heather

Bella's momma said...

Can't wait to read your tags!!!

Kristin said...

I understand not wanting to use six negative words. I almost didn't do my "tag" yesterday because I was in a yucky mood--issues with family that we are seeing next week. Uggh! Figured I would end up picking a few words that are not typically me. :-)

Hope you are holding up okay. Looking forward to our playdate in two weeks!!

Sue said...

I am so glad you waited to do this so that you'd have 6 great words! And look..... your first one is HOPEFUL!!!! Yes, you are honest about how this wait is causing stress and worry. But, keep that HOPE because soon you will have that call of a lifetime (ohhh - try to videotape you getting the call too! It is fun to watch later on!!)

Blogging2china said...

I'm so flattered you tagged me...still identifying my victims! I think of you everyday and anxiously await your special day. I don't know why you are still waiting and other including me aren't, I feel bad about it. I keep hoping it is because they are trying to match you with twins. Anyway got half way through my 6 words, boy am I long winded! More later!!

Shay