A Big Bummer!

It was confirmed from our agency that they were unable to lock ANY shared list files this month. This is terrible news because while I hated being skipped, I really really hate that we weren't skipped because NO ONE got a referral. The agency isn't really posting any information why, but I have a couple of hunches.

Hunch #1 - our agency locked so many the 1st month that China made them sit out this month.

Hunch #2 - our agency just goofed and missed the night when the list went on the system and other agencies pulled the kids.

Hunch #3 - there were no profiles that matched those of us waiting. This is their story, but with over 200 families in line it just doesn't seem plausible.

The good news is an individual list was sent to our agency with 25 children on it. 70% were boys and no girls matched our profile, but 11 families have been matched.

What does all of this mean? I have absolutely NO IDEA!!! It is making me crazier than I normally am because who knows when we will get matched or what future months hold. Yuck, yuck, super yuck. Good thing I have a scrum-dilly yummy little man to love on :)

Word From Our Agency

Just received the following email from our agency:

Sorry, but I don’t have any news for you yet. I do look forward to getting to call you with a match.

:(

I Feel Sick To My Stomach!!!

I just heard on my Yahoo group that the "big" list of shared lists hit the system late last night. I didn't believe it at first, but then checked with another agency that always posts the actual list and they confirmed that files were added today. They did not say there were a "lot" of files like they usually do, but just that files were added.

If this was the big addition, we did not get a call and with the new WC rules, they would have to call us the day that the list came out for us to be able to get back to them in 24-48 hours. I am so sick and hoping that this was not the "big" list. I think I am going to go home and mope. For Heather (who I know reads this and has been waiting 3 months longer than me - I REALLY REALLY HOPE YOU GOT A CALL!!!!!)

I'm going home for a pity party :(

Why Am I Quiet?

Thanks everyone for the emails and calls to see why I have been quiet. I thought I would also do a quick post as an update.

We have not been called and I do not think the list was posted as of yesterday. Monday was a holiday, so if its this week I figure today or tomorrow. Next week could be Monday - Thursday. I would have posted earlier but I was hit with an aweful virus and literally slept and got sick from 6 a.m. yesterday to 7 a.m. today. I am trying to go to work today because I have a class to teach and a closing to cover for another attorney so think good thoughts for me. Of course, I know what would make me feel better.....a call from my agency :)

Immigration Good News!

A couple of posts ago, I hinted that because our immigration approval expired in less than 6 months we may be skipped for referrals until we could renew. I mentioned that I was going to contact the agency and see what they would say, but to be honest I was afraid. Monday, my adoption friend, Jenny, emailed me to see what I found out what I heard and I couldn't take it anymore…I emailed the agency. I immediately heard back that we were fine and would be up for a referral depending on the files that were received. What a huge relief…I really should have emailed a week ago. I’m just a big chicken.

So, what does this mean? It means that the next time files are added to the list, our agency will be looking for a match for our family. It is very possible that they may not find one, but it’s also possible that they will find one and we will get a call. To make matters more secretive, we have no idea when files are added. For the past 2 months, they have been added on the 15th, which is exactly 4 weeks from each other. It is unknown whether China is adding on a 4 week basis or using the 15th to add files. If it’s the 4 week rationale, then that is this week. China had a holiday today so everything was closed. Tomorrow (actually tonight when we sleep) is the first time that files could be added. If they go on the 15th, then since it’s a weekend it may be next week. To top it off, maybe they have no rhyme or reason and it may still be weeks.

So how am I doing? For starters, I have no fingernails. I have always bitten my nails, but this rises to a new level. I am sure that I will have a hard time concentrating tomorrow through next week until we know that we have been called or that there is no way we will be called. Hopefully I can keep busy with some pretty interesting research projects that I have been saving.

Please keep us in your thoughts over the next couple of days. I keep having nightmares that for some reason we cannot accept the first referral that we have and I really hope that does not happen. On a funnier note, please send extra strength my way that I will stop shopping. I went over to our other house to move some of Baby Sissy’s things over to the new house and there are so many clothes in her closet that they will not fit in her new closet. That is what happens when (1) you have been waiting your entire life for a child that you always knew you would adopt from China, and (2) you really think your first born is a girl before the ultrasound at 20 weeks. I need to post pictures of her closet, so you will get the full effect of my illness. If she is a tomgirl, I am in big trouble!!!

A Baby Sissy Shop-A-Thon

I went a little crazy today and had a Baby Sissy Shop-A-Thon.

I was supposed to go with hubbs to his work cook-out so we had Mike's mom come sit for Harrison. Well, it was hot today and I mean really hot. This is important because the party was outside in an airplane hanger with no air. To top it off, it was going to be a bunch of cops drinking and playing football - not really my cup of tea. Hubbs knew that I didn't want to go besides faking my best efforts. At the last minute he told me that I could go shopping and do whatever I wanted instead of going. I thought it was a test, but he said that he called and they said that it was so hot that the ice was now water. I like to think I am an outside person, but on an Atlanta summer day, I am definitely an inside girl. I figured I would just browse around a few shops. I ended going on a major shopping spree for Baby Sissy. Everything was on sale and was super duper cheap. I hit Dillards, TJ Maxx and Babies R Us. Each store had sales prices that knocked my socks off. Check out what is going in Baby Sissy's closet....

This adorable outfit was too cute to pass up. It's a 12 months, so its likely BS won't fit into it. If not the next person preggers with a girl or adopting a younger girl gets it.

This shirt was from Babies R Us too and I couldn't pass it up. It is super sassy!

This dress is from Dillard's. It was such a steal that I bought two! Ok, I wasn't going to tell the price, but its so good that I have put it in a frame of reference in case anyone wants to go shopping. It was less than 2 gallons of gas! Isn't that crazy?This outfit has 4 pieces (two tanks, one ruffle skort, and one pair of pants). The tanks are so cute and have ballerinas on them with little tu tus.

Every girl needs to have a Calvin Klein leisure suit!

This one is too too cute and is from Dillards also. It's a ladybug outfit with a ladybug headband. On the front it has "Are you a lady bug or a little girl bug?" The outfit has little purple wings that hang down and on the bum, is an adorable green ruffle.

Last, but definitely not least is the outfit that started the shop-a-thon. I spotted it from across Dillards and knew that Baby Sissy had to have it. Isn't it adorable?Oops - forgot one. I actually bought this one on Thursday. The picture really does not do it justice.

The pictures below are from my wonderful shopping outdoor mall. It is so pretty and look what the first thing I spotted was.....

Do you think this ladybug qualifies as a "sign?"

I also came across a baby bird that fell from the tree. He was so cute. I checked when I came out of Dillards and he was back in the nest.

June 7th

June 7th is a hard day for me. Last year on this day, for the second time in my life, I had to listen as one of my parents told me that they had been diagnosed with cancer ... and that it was terminal.

I was 9 when my dad was diagnosed. His odds weren't bad - a 75% chance of survival.......He was one of the 25%.

On June 7, 2007, my mom went in for an MRI because she had a funny feeling in her rib - like someone poked her. The doctor thought it may be uterine cancer. She went up to Northside and then back home to Sharpsburg after. She and I chatted about whether the scanners gave any signs after the test and we laughed about how we always try to read what they are saying by the look in their eyes. I was at my office in Buckhead working when about an hour later, my mom called me crying.

When we got off the phone she was still crying. I then immediately went on to research uterin cancer. Stage 4 seemed pretty bad, but there were still some treatment options and decent statitics.

I received a call about an hour and a half later from my step dad asking me to come home. I asked "is it bad?" and he said "yes." As I left my Buckhead office and started home, I kept praying that it not be any stage uterine cancer, but stage 4.

Traffic was so bad that day that I literally pulled up to my mom and stepdad driving home from Atlanta. I was on the phone with my sister and said "oh no, I am next to mom and she isn't talking - they are just staring straight ahead." We decided that I should try calling them. I did and my mom got on the phone, looked over and waived. I asked if she would tell me and she said no, that she wanted to wait till we got home.

My sister headed over and we all met at the house, including Mike and Harrison. My mom was fine when she arrived - had not even gotten upset yet. Then, Harrison said "Nanni" and ran to hug her and she broke down crying. The diagnosis was pancreatic cancer - stage 4 with metastases to the liver. She was given a 1% chance of living 12-48 months.......She was part of the other 99%.

Throughout her treatment she tried to stay optimistic and left the terrible research and talks with the oncologist about clinical trials to me. When I asked her why she was not verbally more optimistic (she was very guarded about her optimism) she said "Daddy had a 75% chance to live and didn't make it - how am I going to make it with a 1% chance of living - AND, that 1% chance is still fatal in a 5 year span?"

It was a question none of us could answer.


We thought we knew a lot about cancer. After my dad died of cancer, my mom work at Emory's cancer clinic for children and the Ronald McDonald House. Cancer was a part of my life in some way, shape or form from age 9. My mom's mom and 2 of my mom's sisters have breast cancer. I feel like I can understand and grasp certain realities of cancer.

I may not like it, but I can understand that my dad fell into the bad statistics, that my grandma fell into the bad statistics, and that mom died of cancer.

What I cannot understand and will not understand is why a cancer exists, such as pancreatic cancer, where the victims have 0% chance of remission and recovery. I can't understand why my mom and other pancreatic cancer victims really have no real statistics. How can this be with today's medical advances and technology? Why are we letting this happen and why are doctors not fighting for more research funds? Why are we not demanding that insurance companies pay for annual body scans if pancreatic cancer is so deadly and has no warning signs?

I guess my feeling is that I can accept defeat, but not when a person is not given the opportunity to fight.

My mom knew it as soon as the words were said to her and I knew it the moment that she said the words to me. We would fight a good fight, but we were going to lose and lose fast.

I know that I posted this picture on Wednesday for Wordless Wednesday, but I wanted to post it again on this entry. I am sure that you can guess, but it was part of the Savannah roll of film that I found. My mom and I were sitting next to each other behind the stack of beach chairs watching Harrison play and I took a picture of our feet to show our cute flops and pedicures.