Why Am I Quiet?

Thanks everyone for the emails and calls to see why I have been quiet. I thought I would also do a quick post as an update.

We have not been called and I do not think the list was posted as of yesterday. Monday was a holiday, so if its this week I figure today or tomorrow. Next week could be Monday - Thursday. I would have posted earlier but I was hit with an aweful virus and literally slept and got sick from 6 a.m. yesterday to 7 a.m. today. I am trying to go to work today because I have a class to teach and a closing to cover for another attorney so think good thoughts for me. Of course, I know what would make me feel better.....a call from my agency :)

Immigration Good News!

A couple of posts ago, I hinted that because our immigration approval expired in less than 6 months we may be skipped for referrals until we could renew. I mentioned that I was going to contact the agency and see what they would say, but to be honest I was afraid. Monday, my adoption friend, Jenny, emailed me to see what I found out what I heard and I couldn't take it anymore…I emailed the agency. I immediately heard back that we were fine and would be up for a referral depending on the files that were received. What a huge relief…I really should have emailed a week ago. I’m just a big chicken.

So, what does this mean? It means that the next time files are added to the list, our agency will be looking for a match for our family. It is very possible that they may not find one, but it’s also possible that they will find one and we will get a call. To make matters more secretive, we have no idea when files are added. For the past 2 months, they have been added on the 15th, which is exactly 4 weeks from each other. It is unknown whether China is adding on a 4 week basis or using the 15th to add files. If it’s the 4 week rationale, then that is this week. China had a holiday today so everything was closed. Tomorrow (actually tonight when we sleep) is the first time that files could be added. If they go on the 15th, then since it’s a weekend it may be next week. To top it off, maybe they have no rhyme or reason and it may still be weeks.

So how am I doing? For starters, I have no fingernails. I have always bitten my nails, but this rises to a new level. I am sure that I will have a hard time concentrating tomorrow through next week until we know that we have been called or that there is no way we will be called. Hopefully I can keep busy with some pretty interesting research projects that I have been saving.

Please keep us in your thoughts over the next couple of days. I keep having nightmares that for some reason we cannot accept the first referral that we have and I really hope that does not happen. On a funnier note, please send extra strength my way that I will stop shopping. I went over to our other house to move some of Baby Sissy’s things over to the new house and there are so many clothes in her closet that they will not fit in her new closet. That is what happens when (1) you have been waiting your entire life for a child that you always knew you would adopt from China, and (2) you really think your first born is a girl before the ultrasound at 20 weeks. I need to post pictures of her closet, so you will get the full effect of my illness. If she is a tomgirl, I am in big trouble!!!

A Baby Sissy Shop-A-Thon

I went a little crazy today and had a Baby Sissy Shop-A-Thon.

I was supposed to go with hubbs to his work cook-out so we had Mike's mom come sit for Harrison. Well, it was hot today and I mean really hot. This is important because the party was outside in an airplane hanger with no air. To top it off, it was going to be a bunch of cops drinking and playing football - not really my cup of tea. Hubbs knew that I didn't want to go besides faking my best efforts. At the last minute he told me that I could go shopping and do whatever I wanted instead of going. I thought it was a test, but he said that he called and they said that it was so hot that the ice was now water. I like to think I am an outside person, but on an Atlanta summer day, I am definitely an inside girl. I figured I would just browse around a few shops. I ended going on a major shopping spree for Baby Sissy. Everything was on sale and was super duper cheap. I hit Dillards, TJ Maxx and Babies R Us. Each store had sales prices that knocked my socks off. Check out what is going in Baby Sissy's closet....

This adorable outfit was too cute to pass up. It's a 12 months, so its likely BS won't fit into it. If not the next person preggers with a girl or adopting a younger girl gets it.

This shirt was from Babies R Us too and I couldn't pass it up. It is super sassy!

This dress is from Dillard's. It was such a steal that I bought two! Ok, I wasn't going to tell the price, but its so good that I have put it in a frame of reference in case anyone wants to go shopping. It was less than 2 gallons of gas! Isn't that crazy?This outfit has 4 pieces (two tanks, one ruffle skort, and one pair of pants). The tanks are so cute and have ballerinas on them with little tu tus.

Every girl needs to have a Calvin Klein leisure suit!

This one is too too cute and is from Dillards also. It's a ladybug outfit with a ladybug headband. On the front it has "Are you a lady bug or a little girl bug?" The outfit has little purple wings that hang down and on the bum, is an adorable green ruffle.

Last, but definitely not least is the outfit that started the shop-a-thon. I spotted it from across Dillards and knew that Baby Sissy had to have it. Isn't it adorable?Oops - forgot one. I actually bought this one on Thursday. The picture really does not do it justice.

The pictures below are from my wonderful shopping outdoor mall. It is so pretty and look what the first thing I spotted was.....

Do you think this ladybug qualifies as a "sign?"

I also came across a baby bird that fell from the tree. He was so cute. I checked when I came out of Dillards and he was back in the nest.

June 7th

June 7th is a hard day for me. Last year on this day, for the second time in my life, I had to listen as one of my parents told me that they had been diagnosed with cancer ... and that it was terminal.

I was 9 when my dad was diagnosed. His odds weren't bad - a 75% chance of survival.......He was one of the 25%.

On June 7, 2007, my mom went in for an MRI because she had a funny feeling in her rib - like someone poked her. The doctor thought it may be uterine cancer. She went up to Northside and then back home to Sharpsburg after. She and I chatted about whether the scanners gave any signs after the test and we laughed about how we always try to read what they are saying by the look in their eyes. I was at my office in Buckhead working when about an hour later, my mom called me crying.

When we got off the phone she was still crying. I then immediately went on to research uterin cancer. Stage 4 seemed pretty bad, but there were still some treatment options and decent statitics.

I received a call about an hour and a half later from my step dad asking me to come home. I asked "is it bad?" and he said "yes." As I left my Buckhead office and started home, I kept praying that it not be any stage uterine cancer, but stage 4.

Traffic was so bad that day that I literally pulled up to my mom and stepdad driving home from Atlanta. I was on the phone with my sister and said "oh no, I am next to mom and she isn't talking - they are just staring straight ahead." We decided that I should try calling them. I did and my mom got on the phone, looked over and waived. I asked if she would tell me and she said no, that she wanted to wait till we got home.

My sister headed over and we all met at the house, including Mike and Harrison. My mom was fine when she arrived - had not even gotten upset yet. Then, Harrison said "Nanni" and ran to hug her and she broke down crying. The diagnosis was pancreatic cancer - stage 4 with metastases to the liver. She was given a 1% chance of living 12-48 months.......She was part of the other 99%.

Throughout her treatment she tried to stay optimistic and left the terrible research and talks with the oncologist about clinical trials to me. When I asked her why she was not verbally more optimistic (she was very guarded about her optimism) she said "Daddy had a 75% chance to live and didn't make it - how am I going to make it with a 1% chance of living - AND, that 1% chance is still fatal in a 5 year span?"

It was a question none of us could answer.


We thought we knew a lot about cancer. After my dad died of cancer, my mom work at Emory's cancer clinic for children and the Ronald McDonald House. Cancer was a part of my life in some way, shape or form from age 9. My mom's mom and 2 of my mom's sisters have breast cancer. I feel like I can understand and grasp certain realities of cancer.

I may not like it, but I can understand that my dad fell into the bad statistics, that my grandma fell into the bad statistics, and that mom died of cancer.

What I cannot understand and will not understand is why a cancer exists, such as pancreatic cancer, where the victims have 0% chance of remission and recovery. I can't understand why my mom and other pancreatic cancer victims really have no real statistics. How can this be with today's medical advances and technology? Why are we letting this happen and why are doctors not fighting for more research funds? Why are we not demanding that insurance companies pay for annual body scans if pancreatic cancer is so deadly and has no warning signs?

I guess my feeling is that I can accept defeat, but not when a person is not given the opportunity to fight.

My mom knew it as soon as the words were said to her and I knew it the moment that she said the words to me. We would fight a good fight, but we were going to lose and lose fast.

I know that I posted this picture on Wednesday for Wordless Wednesday, but I wanted to post it again on this entry. I am sure that you can guess, but it was part of the Savannah roll of film that I found. My mom and I were sitting next to each other behind the stack of beach chairs watching Harrison play and I took a picture of our feet to show our cute flops and pedicures.

Thankful Thursday - Baby Sissy's Quilt and Some Possible Bad News

To quote the hubs...."We have the best neighbors!" We really do and we are so incredibly lucky. The Little Mr. and the Drama Mama see each other almost every night and we try to do something fun on the weekend too. It's so much fun to have friends across the street to go to the pool with, eat dinner with and just have fun outside with.

Tonight when I got home, I received a call from "Miss Kim" to see what we were doing. I was in the middle of an OCD moment, unloading the dishwasher, cleaning up for the cleaning lady to come and getting ready to steam clean the carpets so I couldn't get together yet, but I told them to call when they got back. Turns out I was steam cleaning the basement when they got back so I didn't hear them call, but I did hear the Drama Mama calling for Harrison down the driveway. We immediately gathered the troops to go meet them and guess what.....they had a wonderful surprise for Baby Sissy.

Miss Kim and Drama Mama had gone to the fabric shop today and bought tons of fabric for Baby Sissy's quilt. Miss Kim was also super duper crafty and made an adorable wish for Baby Sissy's scrapbook.

I love these fabrics because they symbolize a great new friendship for all of us and the tremendous support that we have already received from this family waiting for Baby Sissy. Plus, the fabric is SO SO SO cute! I love them all, but the two on the right are my favorite. I can't wait to one day see Baby Sissy wrapped in the quilt and remember all of the love and friendship that came together to make the quilt.

I am trying out the larger size pictures in this post, so hopefully it is not too obnoxious. I just realized I had size options and figured that Bigger is Better!!!

Wednesday night when Miss Kim and Drama Mama were here, I also checked our agency website that is updated every Wednesday night. Unfortunately the news tonight was a bit worrisome. Last month before referrals came out a warning was released that anyone who had immigration approval that would expire within 6 months may be skipped. I freaked and called everyone trying to figure it out. Fortunately, I was told that we would not be skipped although we did not have 6 months left on our approval and the warning was more geared towards those families that had paperwork which had already expired. So what is the bad news?

When I checked the site tonight it mentioned that starting this month expiration of immigration approval within 6 months will be taken into effect when reviewing files. In Georgia we cannot renew our paperwork until 90 days prior to expiration so there is nothing that we can do. I am going to call Thursday and try to get more specific details as to how it relates to our application, but from what I read there is a good chance we will be skipped this month and could be skipped until later this year when we can renew.

It's not fair, but so little in life really is. Maybe I am just feeling defeated or perhaps I have more faith that the wait will lead us to the child that we were meant to parent.

Sweet Savannah - An Unexpected Gift

As I attempt to organize the house, I have been coming across rolls of film that have not been developed. This one turned out to be an unexpected gift.

The photos are from a business trip that I took to Savannah last year before Nanni was diagnosed. Because Harrison and Nanni loved to travel, I brought them with me. My mom and I have always been constant travel companions and for the last several years we took each other on every trip that we went on. We made these seahorses in the sand to symbolize the two of us.

We had so much fun walking along the river, eating pralines and going for a yummy dinner at the Crab Shack. When I went to my meeting, Harrison and his Nanni ordered pizza to the hotel room and swam in the indoor pool which was in the lobby. Harrison thought that was pretty neat.

This was the start of our trip. Each time we head down 75 we stop at the Peach House for photos. This time there was a sketchy guy working the Peach House so I went up and told him of our tradition and then sent my mom and Harrison up. Usually I get pictures too, but my mom was known for taking a long time to take a picture and again, the guy was sketchy. So we ran up, took 2 photos and off we went to Savannah.

While we were in Savannah my mom wanted to stop by one of her favorite Catholic Churches. She said that she stopped by every time she was in Savannah. Harrison knew it was a very important place, so he was on best behavior. The best behavior lasted only as long as it took him to find the Holy water. Once it was discovered he blessed himself about 20 times.

These pictures are from the afternoon that we left. We drove out to Tybee Island to play on the beach. It was so windy that we had to hide behind a stack of beach chairs to block the wind. It was a perfect day!

I have more pics, but Blogger is not being friendly so I will add them later!

Wordless Wednesday